If you've ever attended one of my seminars or talks, you have likely heard me reference the Gerry Sandusky / Jerry Sandusky name and identity confusion.

It always gets a laugh. but I don't do it for the laugh.

I do do it because it's the elephant in the room and if I don't address it the audience will spend so much time wondering if I'm related to the former Penn State coach who is in prison (not related!), that they'll actually stop listening to what I am saying.

It works the same way with you (okay, hopefully not the whole name thing but you get the idea). In many communications—formal presentations, informal meetings, Zoom calls, emails— there is an elephant in the room, an issue that everyone is wondering about, thinking about, or hung up on.

Here are some common elephants in the room:

• You didn't hit a projected target.
• There's a strained relationship over a personality clash.
• Someone failed to deliver on a promise.
• Market condistions have changed.
• A negative media story or viral social media thread.

Any issue that everyone present knows about and is uncomfortable talking about is an elephant in the room.

You have three options when it comes to dealing with the elephant:

1. You bring it up.
2. Wait for them to bring it up.
3. Ignore it.

Option 1 is best. Here's why. When you address the elephant you earn the audience's respect because they're uncomfortable talking about it too, and you control the narrative.

If you wait for them to bring it up or ignore it all together, you lose the audience's respect and they wonder if you handle all tough situations by avoiding the uncomfortable thing.

Here's the most powerful part: No matter which option you choose, your audience (in person, virtual, or written) will reach their positive or negative conclusion of how you handle the elephant in a few minutes, sometimes a few seconds!

Yes, it takes courage and humility to address the elephant in the room—regardless if the elephant was or was not your creation. And if you worry that you don't or won't have the courage to address the elephant, remember this: If you are standing in the presence of a five ton elephant and pretend he isn't there, there's a good chance the elephant will ignore you too and accidently step on you.

When you address the elephant in the room, the elephant usually goes away and the room always has more respect for you.

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